ok emo frequency graph getting exponential here. have no idea what's been eating in lately.. tired of being an old wretched grouch.. but i really can't remember the last time i was truly happy, or what really mattered to me. am i still a believer or follower of a god?
i hate this way im living, hate the way this world is..
just awoke to the the reality of it.. and seeing the gargantuan mountain of trash i've left in my tracks.. not that there's anything i can do about it.. wat's the purpose of this living? is it gonna be just work, work, work, work, work and work, studies, money or wat?? what is truly genuine and lasting on this damned place?? don't give me that shitload of godly crap again.. i still can't fathom the meaning of life... the ultimate worth, what living for God? how to? what exactly does it mean? do you go on the road, meet any sane person and hear them telling you i'm blindly living for god? i need a cause to justify that!
dunno really know what matters to me, dunno what i'm living for now.. but the frustration beats having to be some stupid 'led-by-the-nose' ass.. nothing's worth sacrificing or living for.. call me a cynic, a skeptic, a pessimist.. watever.. this place is just pure hopelessness.. everything sucked the shit outta me.. hellish, brain-draining, suicide-inducing rollercoasters of lessons in life.. till nothing matters anymore. my world's exceedingly crumbled.
just as i give up hatred, i give up love.. that's only fair. no more room for either. escapism is the cure.
i dun wanna be a 'to be', a 'has been', or a 'must be'.. im afraid of falling, afraid of failing and afraid to pain somemore.. i'll just not succeed in everything i do.
I dont really have much to say though than this: "come unto me all ye that labour and are heavy laden, I will give you rest" - Matt 11:28. I wrote this poem for you...
Watch the sun rise
It will soon set
Watch the oceans roar
It will soon be still
Such is life
Watch the storms rage
Calm will soon become its end
Watch the rainfall
It will soon stop
And here comes sunshine
Smile at the mountain
It will soon become a plain
Take a deep breath in sight of the valley
It will soon be filled
God holds it in His hands
The Lord grant you peace and cause His face to shine upon you!
We are praying for you
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